My Past, Present and Right Now……

 By Janice M. Thomas

Steps to End…Steps to Begin……

A question was asked, “Who Are You?”
My response to that question was:

I'm the daughter of Fredrick and Marie Thomas
The lost soul that yearns

For love, understanding, forgiveness,

Trust, peace of mind, and compassion

A single mother of a jewel

Who brings so much sunshine

To my life, heart, and soul
A sister unlike any other sister;

But an unrelated sister to many
A best friend 
A teacher and coach

To young men and woman across the globe
A friend when there is no one else

Around to be there for you
The one thing I know for sure

Is I am a child of God

 I have realized

Being all those things have made me

The women I am today
The fights, arguments, walking away,

Running, not trusting or believing
The bad relationship, and the good ones to
The loss of love ones, close friends
The understanding of knowing when I'm wrong
Maturing enough to accept all things in my life
The sexual assaults, the abuse, the let downs,

The abandonment of my parents
God has placed some amazing people around me
So Who Am I?

I'm A God fearing woman

Who is growing and still maturing in the Lord.

My Past, Present and Right Now

This life, which has been given to me, was no accident. God knew exactly who my parents were and how they would care for and treat me. I come from a family of six; four girls and two boys. My life as a little girl was something that I would never want anyone to experience. I was subject to watch the physical abuse of my mother from my father. Ten years of it, even though my father never laid a hand on my sister and me, it was like we were being abused with every stroke my mother received.

As a little girl, the only thing you ever want is to see happiness and enjoy life. The control my father had over my mother was unreal and hard to understand. I remember the day mom left. It was a hot and sunny day in California, Fredrick just happened to be out of town at a Karate tournament.  He never would leave my mom unsupervised. The neighbor that was supposed to be watching her allowed her to leave.

We moved with my grandmother and things were good for a longtime. Until one Easter Sunday, my father made an appearance at my granny’s house. It seemed as if he was coming in peace.  The rage that was displayed once he got my mother behind closed doors was unbelievable. In a matter of seconds, my FATHER broke my mother’s jaw, arm and ribs. He split her lip open, slashed her cheek to the white meat. That day I knew my life, our lives would never be the same. I watched the police carry my father away in handcuffs. The damage that he caused my family was unbearable.  That was the last time that I saw my father.

            It was a cool and breezy day when my father’s mother came driving up looking for us. My mother was in the house and the kids were outside. I recognized who she was and she stopped. More than seven years had passed since we last saw my grandmother.  It was a nice surprise that she came looking for us. The news that she was coming with was not what I wanted to hear.  She came to let me and my siblings know that my father had passed away.

I know that some people would have broken down; others would have been angry to hear news like this.  But, for me I was calm and at peace. I don’t know why I had no emotions and feelings about the news that was handed to me. My father, the man who held me at night, read me bedtime stories and taught me karate was no long here on this earth. The best part of it all was I got the opportunity to reunite with my grandmother; the only person that truly understood me and loved me unconditionally. The funeral came and went, still not a tear, no sadness.

There were so many things that had my mind going 90 miles an hour, but I had no time to even think about the negative things that was taken place in my life. Fast forward four years, high school came around.  The loss of my father was something of the pass.  There were new issues and hang ups that I had to handle. There was my mother’s drug addiction and abuse that I was living and feeling. It was a daily routine; drugs and abuse. It was something that I could not get rid of or even stop. This was my life and I dealt with it for many years.

Taking care of my mother, little brother and sister became my job. It was nothing like waking up to a different person in our house, no food, lights or water. This was something I got used to; my mother, the drug addict and abuser.   The women that gave me life thought it would be cool to leave me in a crack house full of strange people. It’s not like waking up and your mother is gone and no one knows where she is.  No, with this I had to become a grown up before my time, but it was something that God was preparing me for. I had to become a mother to small babies before my time. I was ready for the task at hand.  So, I stepped up to the plate.

Moving forward, my high school sports career was starting and I had to refocus myself. For one year I took care of my brother and sister. I got a job, went to school full time and played basketball and ran track. My high school career was flourishing, but my home life was in shambles. Once my mother returned, life was even crazier. Her addiction was worse and the beatings became too much to handle. Suicide became a thought on a daily bases; due to the beatings and verbal abuse. But I was on a mission and had dreams I wanted to accomplish.

During my junior year in high school, my grandmother passed away. It was something I knew was coming and I handle it well. She passed away right before my season got started; but she was my motivation that kept me on track and helped me move forward in my journey. So many great things happened that year; like winning championships in basketball and track, becoming player of the year and runner up athlete of the year. While all of these great things were happening, I was being sexual abused by a family member.  The front I put on for those around me was the only way I could keep them out of my business. All I had was basketball and track keeping me together. Not wanting to tell for fear of the outcome, I lived with this for many years.

The year my life changed I met Ken Turner, the one person that took the time out to listen, help me through my troubles and issues. He knew all about my life; from the bullet holes in the cars outside where I lived to the bouncing from city to city just so I could rest my head. Coach Turner introduced me to Jesus Christ.  He took me under his wing. He provided me with the guidance I needed to stay on track and make sure that I was safe. He started picking me up for church and teaching me about the bible and the life of Jesus Christ.

My senior year seemed like a world wind.  It was one that I would never forget and would do over if I could. My talent and grades took me to places that I would have never thought. College was not on my mind, so taking the SAT or ACT was not important. The dates to take these tests came and went. I never took it serious or cared if I passed them. I was afforded the opportunity to go to college and play ball, but my test scores were not even close to what they needed to let me into college. Junior college it was.   

I spent one year in Midland, Texas, then back home I went. I was still reading my bible and going to church. Back to LA I went, not sure of what I was going to do or the path I was going to take. I made a phone call to the one person I knew would help me figure out my next move. Coach Turner answered his phone.  He listened to all of my feelings and thoughts. He told me that things would be okay and to trust God. That’s just what I did.

I spent my sophomore year of college playing ball for Coach Turner at West LA College. God had His hands in this as well.  I know this because I had one of the best seasons in my life. It was so good that I had schools from all over knocking on the door wanting me to play for their school. I went on three different college visits, but TCU was the best fit for me. I really needed to get out of LA for good. There was nothing keeping me there. I had no desire to stay another day. That summer I took a grey hound to Fort Worth, Texas and never looked back. 

Seventeen years of ups and downs, I’m grateful my ups out weight my downs. College life was more than I could ever dream. I met a young lady, Shonda Mack; she was a teammate of mine.  She invited me to church and I have not looked back. Church was amazing! I ended up joining and becoming a member. Now after seventeen years of membership, I am apart of three different ministries. The high light of my seventeen years is my angel, Taliah. She was not in the plan, but God made her a part of His plan.

I know without Taliah my life may not be what it is today. She has been there for some of my greatest accomplishments: graduating from college, trying out for the LA Sparks, my first coaching and teaching job. I live my life serving God to show her how good God has been in my life. Ten years after her birth, I was afforded the opportunity to go back to school and work on my Master’s degree. God has been too good to me. All of this to say, I teach because teaching is my passion and my service.  If I can be to one child half of what Coach Turner was to me, I have done God’s will.  I live to do this daily!